Taking Chances

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

-Wayne Gretzky

Last week, I touched on one of the biggest factors that stops us from making a change, fear. As I mentioned, I’ve been thinking about fear a lot, as I’ve forced myself to confront some personal demons and starting a new small business certainly bears with it a little fear. But through it all I’ve been able to recognize my fear and use it to my advantage. I’ve also managed to not let it stop me from taking a shot at life.

In the past, I’ve certainly let fear limit me. I mean, who hasn’t, right? It’s tough to put yourself out there and risk falling flat in front of friends, family or even strangers. Which got me thinking what is the difference is between the times that fear holds me back and when I can use it to charge forward. What I’ve realized is that the fear is the same, it is how I react to it that determines how it impacts my life. When I ignore my fears and allow them to sit in the background without acknowledgment they gain power. But when I confront my fear? Those are the times I can choose my own fate. When I feel that familiar feeling and I find my desire is being outweighed by my fear, these are the steps I (try) to take:

1) Recognize The Fear. Often fear creeps up on us at unexpected times for unexpected reasons. It’s easy to barely notice that your afraid until after you’re far removed and wondering what the hell happened. The first step to overcoming fear is simply to recognize and acknowledge it. Say out loud, right down or think to yourself: “This is a familiar feeling and it’s okay to feel this way. I’m afraid and that fear is just me trying to protect myself. Everyone is scared some times.” You might have to repeat this a few times before it sinks in. If you choose to ignore your fear than you choose to let it win, those might be crappy choices but you DO have a choice.

2) Find The Source. Some people have a conversation with their fear in the form of walls or monsters like Havi and her duck. And some  of us need to write about their fear and some need to simply think through the situation. Whatever works for you is fine, the key is that you work to understand what is making you fearful. And even more importantly, that you work to understand what about your situation is fearful. If you are trying to make a tough decision, what parts of the decision are scary and what outcomes make you tense? Which are the parts that really keep you up at night?

3) Acknowledge Your Fear. Make it your own and accept it as part of your life. Fear is a natural and normal response but if you let it drive your decisions, you’ll almost never be willing to take the less-traveled road. So, acknowledge it and embrace it. Accept it and think about what and why you are scared. It might help to write it out so you can gain clarity on exactly what is at the root of your fear.

4) Think About Outcomes. What is the worst that can happen? Yes, I know, I know…but maybe your Mom actually was right about this one! After all, if your decision is life or death, then obviously it warrants some pretty serious consideration. But if your fear is rooted in a fear of failure, a fear of embarrassment or a fear in your ability, then what is the worst that happens if you fail? After all, you will still wake up the next day and you will still be alive. Every good chef makes mistakes in the kitchen but that doesn’t mean the dish doesn’t still taste fabulous! Don’t be afraid to break a few eggs and make a few mistakes, in the totality of your life it probably won’t matter one bit. Even if it seems like your whole life now, will it matter in ten years? Twenty years?

5) Learn To Trust Yourself. Often, at least for me, what causes the most fear are the things I’m the most excited about. My gut tells me that my instinct is right but that doesn’t always mean it’s a rational decision. And that causes anxiety, fear and worry. But I’ve learned to trust my instinct, to stop worrying about what might be or even what has been and instead to focus on what is. That might be a bit abstract but if you can learn to listen to your heart when it tells you what it wants, then you can stop letting fear hold you back. Learn to embrace the feeling that comes when you see something you know you want to do, the feeling that comes when your whole body knows you are going in the right direction. You have these moments, learn to embrace them.

Often what scares us the most is irrational fear of what might be or might not be. Which makes sense because what we don’t know or don’t have control of is totally unpredictable. But you know what? It turns out that isn’t all that bad after all. To quote Mark Twain:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

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